Thursday, January 24, 2013

My love & passion was absent...

There are many reasons why I haven't written in almost exactly a year, but one is the most important. We all have people that are super significant in our life, but when you have few people 1000% on your side, they become so much more crucial.
My maternal grandmother was this exact person for me.
I am sure that you haven't realized this from my blog thus far, but I am a very transparent person. Sometimes this is to my demise. I have a few people in my life that wish I would scale it back a bit in that area, but I get it honestly. This quality was learned from her, in her actions, and by what lessons she taught me verbally. I recall her saying things such as: "there is no sense in lying, because it will always catch up with you" or "if you tell a lye you will just have to tell another to cover it up". She too had people in her life that wished she wasn't so honest and transparent with her feelings, but frankly, it was comforting to me. You always knew where you stood with her.
I am sure as you can tell from this post, she has left us in the physical world, but I know she is still with me on the day to day. Things that she said stuck in my brain, things that I sense around me, things I see on the day to day... she is all around me.
Once I lost her, I lost myself in some ways. She was such a critical part of my life that I had to literally pick myself up in the beginning months. As you can see this put a damper not only on my spirits, but also on my passions. My creativity, my cooking, my housecleaning, my blog, all out the window! Today, a year and a week later, I have decided these are all things that she taught me (besides the blog). Things that she got me passionate about to begin with. It is time to resume this blog, for me and most importantly in her honor. After all, one of my favorite posts of all time is about my love for her & the love of growing up on my grandparent's farm. Food, warmth, family, stability, & unconditional Love are all lessons learned from her, grandpa, & the farm.
SHE alone was/is home in my heart.

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